A limo drives away from a chapel.
Inside are Cloud (wearing a tuxedo) and Tifa (wearing an off white wedding
dress).
"After all we've been through we're fianally married."  Says Tifa.
Cloud smiles and nods thinking of the honeymoon and that he'll finally get
to see
the "orbs of joy" as he has known them.
Cloud finds it hard to believe that Tifa held out untill mairage.

A week later (What you expected a lemone scene.  Yeah me too.  Sorry.)
Cloud and Tifa have arrived at their new home.  "Now, cloud you don't expect
me
to do all of the cooking."  Says Tifa.  "Erm....No I'll cook tonight."
Cloud answers.

Tifa goes into the living room to relax as cloud begins to prepare a meal.
Tifa hears a loud crashing sound.  "Cloud honey,  What was that sound?"
Tifa asks.
"Just chopping some vegetables."  Cloud answers.  Tifa hears another loud
crash.
"I'll be right back.  I have to go buy a new table."  Cloud says.
A little later Cloud comes back.  He sets up the new table.  Cloud takes a
chicken from the fridge
and prepares to carve it up.  Battle music plays, and the chicken gets
up and starts dancing around.
Cloud waits for his battle gauge to fill.  He attacks it with a kitchen
knife and misses.
The Chickend keeps dancing around.  Cloud attacks again and trips faling on
the knife.
The injury puts Cloud at his limit break.  Cloud attacks the chicken with
Omnislash.
The chicken turns red and dissapears.  "The Hell?  How does Tifa do this?"
Cloud asks
himself.


A few days later Tifa is doing all the cooking as Cloud watches TV.
The news comes on.  "WHAT THE HELL?  What happened to the game."
Cloud rants but then stops to listen.  "As reconstruction of midgar
goes on many families are attempting to revive lost familly members.
Thus stores all over the world are quickly running out of 
phoenix downs."  Cloud slaps himself in the head.  "DOH  phoenix
down."  He takes off out the door.  "Hey what's going on Cloud?"
Tifa asks.  "I'm Gonna go revive Aeris.  

	Later Cloud arrives at a shop.  "Yes one phoenix down please."
he asks of the clerk.  "Sorry sold out.  Some guy who looks a lot
like Mr.T just bought the last three."  So Cloud heads back to 
Midgar and finds Barret in the sector 7 ruins.  "Hey Barret I 
heard you had some phoenix downs.  Could you spare one to
revive Aeris?"  Cloud asks.  "Sorry spike head I used em all up."
he responds as two guys and a girl climb out of the rubble.
"Hi I'm Biggs."  "and I'm Wedge."  "You ruined my chance to 
save Aeris for two guys who are the Final Fantasy equivilents 
to Kenny?" screams Cloud.  "Watchoo talkin bout foo?"  Barret responds.
Barret is answered by two satelites falling out of orbit which crush
Biggs and Wedge.  "I see what ya mean."  Barret says Scratching
his head.  "Well at least I brought her back."  Barret contiues.
"Hi I'm Jessie."  "Who the hell are you?"  asks Cloud.
"WHAT!  I'm an early game character.  I was the cool girl who
liked technology and bombs and stuff!  I WAS A ROMANTIC
INTEREST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"  Jessie responds outraged.
"Huh,  I thought you were a guy"  Tifa says confused.
"OH JUST BECAUS I'M NOT NEARLY NAKED LIKE YOU YOU FILTHY ASS
WHORE!!!!  AH SCREW IT!"  Jessie takes out a big gun and starts
blasting away at everyone chasing them off. 
	 Cloud then runs into a random enemy attack.  Before he
can attack Yuffie finds him  "Hey cloud what's up."  "Oh nothing
just killing a monster."  "Cool can I steal from it first."
"Sure why not"  ...time passes.   Two hundred rounds of fighting later
Yuffie successfully steals one phoenix down.  Cloud then casts knights
of the round.  "Cloud wasn't that overkill?"  asks Tifa.
"I was feeling like overkill.  after waiting that long I deserve it."
"Hey can I help it if all theives suck in square games"  Yuffie replies.
"Well at least we got a phoenix down.  Let's go revive Aeris."

Cloud heads off to the city of the ancients while all Final Fantasy
seven fans cheer.

	At the lake where Aeris was buried.  "Well, here goes."
says cloud.  "yeah there goes our mairage"  says Tifa.  Cloud
drops the phoenix down in the water........nothing happens.
"The HELL?  What a rip off!"  "Uhm cloud"  Says Tifa.
"NOT NOW WOMAN CAN'T YOU SEE I'M GREEVING!"  Cloud replies.
Tifa bitch slaps Cloud and makes him turn around  "AERIS!"
he exclaims seeing her.  "hey Cloud.  What took you so long.  
someone already used a gameshark to revive me."  Sephiroth
walks up too.  Cloud takes out his sword.  "WHOA COOL IT!
The code puts me in your party so I'm helpful."  Sephi says.
"Go screw yourself Sephi."  Says Cloud as he walks off.

	Tifa aproaches Aeris.  "Welcome back to the world
Aeris.  *cough*frostbitch*cough*"  "it's good to be back
*cough*skankwhore*cough*"  "Bitch"  "Whore"  "bitch"
"whore"  "bitch"  "whore"  Tifa and Aeris begin to walk off
while Sephi stands around looking confused.  Jessie then 
aproaches.  "Hey have either of you seen Cloud.  I wanted
to apologize for shooting at him."  "Who the Hell are you?"
Aeris asks.  Jessie begins to reach for her gun "Oh wait.
We never met in the game did we."  "Nope"  Aeris responds.
"Okay I'll let it go this time.  Now who the Hell is that?"
"Oh that's Sephiroth.  He killed me.  He's an asshole."
"I pride myself on that too."  Says Sephi.  

	Tifa and Aeris resume. "bitch"  "whore."
Jessie stands around looking confused.
"I guess the fic's over." says sephi.  "I guess....
.....but something just feels.....unfinished."
says Jessie.  A satellite then falls out of orbit
and lands on Sephiroth.  "aaaaahhhhh.  That's better."
says Jessie.  "........what are you people still reading for...
GO AWAY!"  Jessie takes out a gun and shoots at you.....
----------------end----------------------------------------------

ahhh a classic slapstick badfic.
send all hatemail to vmaggus@hotmail.com