Lost Soul As Jessie lie wounded on the grating she looked up to the plate knowing that if Cloud failed it would be the last thing she ever saw. She thought about Biggs who was in the same situation as herself, and wedge who had already passed on. Like so many Avalanche members before him. She thought about all the people she had killed. Knowing that most of them were just doing their job. She wondered if what she had done was worth her own revnege on Shinra for what had happened to her so long ago. The answer was a clear and resounding NO. This, she beleived, was her punnishment. "God If you're there, I know I stopped believing in you a long time ago but if you're still willing to listen thn please forgive me for the sins I have committed." Jessie thought to herself as the first rubble fromt he explosion began to dislodge adn crash down arond her. Then the plate itself came crashing down. Just before the ruble consumed her Jessie saw Cloud and the otheres escaping. "at least Shinra will be brought to justice" was the last thing she thought before everything went black. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything was dark. But this hurt too much to be Heaven, and not nearly enough to be Hell. Jessie could feel something had pinned her down. In the darkness she could hear Barret and Cloud. "Their all dead. DAMN. DAMN SHINRA! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL. GOD DAMN IT!" She heard Barret yell then afew minutes of his gun firing wildly in anger. Then silence. "Come on Barret. This isn't over yet. We have to make Shinra pay." She heard cloud say followed by thier footsteps away. "NO I'M ALIVE! PLEASE SOMEONE, ANYONE COME HELP ME! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE BARRET! COME BACK!" She Cried but no one answered. She looked around her for a light source. But all was darkness. All was silence. "Is this all that my life has lead to? To slowly let my life flicker out in the darkness. DAMN YOU GOD! You never gave me a chance at life. Just one tragedy after another. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME! WHY LET SHINRA TAKE CONTROLL!" She yelled if nothing else than to break the silence which was overly abundant. From there the hours passed. No sound. No light. No human companionship. Just Jessie, her thoughts, and a cold hearted God who's tears long ago froze to his face. "This can't be how it all ends. God....Are you still listening. If you really are allmighty then can't you get me out of here? Mabey I lived the wrong way. Mabey that's why you punnished me all my life. If you hate me I understand. But is it too late to say I'm sorry? To ask for a second chance? I'm just a human after all. Whether you like it or not we make mistakes. When we screw up we screw up big time. You made us that way so why can't you take a little responsibillity and give me the chance I deserve. ............................................ ................................................................... ........Who am I kidding. You're not really there. I'm just trying to keep myself company. Trying to convince myself that I'm not dying alone here in the cold silent darkness....." Jessie heard something above begin to crack. "Good now it's finally over." She thought beleiveing the ruble would surely fall in on her. But instead a hole opened above her. and light began pouring in. Even if it was nothing but small flickering street lights it still blinded her. Still it was Welcome. "HEY you down there. Are you alive?" Said someone above. "I'm alive! I'M HERE! Are you here to help?" Jessie replied. "Well uhm.... I didn't exactly volunteer but I guess so. Can you climb out?" "I'm cought under something. I can't ......Wait don't go away!" "Don't worry I'm still here. I'll come down and get you." The Man whom had spoke to Jessie began to climb down. She could just make out a sillouhett. He seemed pretty healthy. She couldn't make out any facial features thought. He reached around trying to get his bearings in the limmited lighting. His hand touched Jessies face and ran over her shoulders and down her side and legs. "Well I can tell that you're probably in one piece." He said to her. "That's good to hear. I wasn't really thinking about it at the time." "HYUNG! I can't lift this by myself." He said searching around some more before pulling loose a piece of pipe. "Now you push while I pry at this. and Mabey we Can get this off. Ready One two THREE" Their combined effort loosened the rubble pinning Jessie down and with one mighty heave pushed it away. "Can you move?" The still unidentified Man asked. "I think I ca...AAAAGH OOOWWW!" Jessie reallized that now that the weight holding her had been removed how badly injured she really was. She rolled on her side and curled into a ball writhing in agony before losing conciousness. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "She's coming to" Said a different voice. As Jessie's eyes opened they were again assaulted by this time even brighter light. She looked around to see some blurry faces. She hadn't yet adjusted to the light. Then the pain of her injuries returned but it was dulled by the anesthesia. Jessie by now had pieced toether that she was in a hospital. "You're quite fortunate. You were one of only a handfull of survivors from the sector seven plate collapse. God must have been on your side." The doctor said with a smile. Jessie could hear a weelchair squeek as it approached. "This is the young man who pulled you out. Impressive that he did what he did even with his injrries. He was injured almost as badly as you were. Cut, bludgened, burned, shot, and aparently having fallen from some hight up structure." "Hello, My name is Reno." He siad. "Reno......The TURK! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PLANTED THAT BOMB IN THE FIRST PLACE." Jessie Yelled. "Wait I remember you now. You're an avalance member." They Both tred to get up and fight but both fighters immediately halted by the pain of their injuries. There was a moment of bitter silence. Then for sme reason they both found they couldn't do anything but laugh at their situation. The doctor still in the room looked rather confused. Jessie Smiled "Hey turk, ever heard of a hairbrush?" Reno smirked himself and replied "You should talk. You Dress like a boy." Jessie became suddenly silent. "Oh struck a nerve did I?" Reno said mockingly. "Alright that's enough you two. Serioulsy I'd think a couple of people who barely escaped death together would get along a littel better." The doctor said sending for the nurse to seperate them. Of course in a crowded hospital in an overpopulated city meant little more than beds seperated by a curtain. "Heartless Corporat sell out." "Get a job." While they were recovering the childish namecalling continued. Days passed. Eventually converstion became more cival. "When I said you looked like a boy......I'm sorry. But really why did it bother you so much?" Reno asked "I'd really rather not talk about it." Jessie responded. "Well we're both gonna be here a while so why not talk about something. It'd be boring just sitting here. You don't really seem as bad as they made Avalanche out to be. Why'd you join anyway." "I'd still rather not talk about it. But if it makes you feel any better. I guess you Shinra aren't so bad either. But I still can't forgive you for planting that bomb." "HEY I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB! I'm sure you've killed a few good people while you were just following orders yourself." "I believed in something. You just care about your next paycheck." "I believe in more than that. I belive in the turks. Because no matter what happens we're fammily." "...........Like.... Avalance. Are we really so different after all?" "See this is what it's like. I may not support everything Shinra does but I beleive in the people I work with. Ideals are nice but they dont' cheer you up when your sad. Keep you company when you're lonely and especially don't go drinking with you." "I .....see what you mean." "Speaking of people what do you plan to do when you're out of here? Going back to avalanch I suppose." "No I don't think so. I need some time to get my head together. I think I'll lay low for a while. I guess I'll find some place to stay." "Well I'm going to be going back into active duty as soon as I'm out of here and I'll need some one to watch my apartment. Mabey you could stay there." "Well I kind of feel uncomfortable." "Get over it. Don't look a gift hoarse in the mouth okay." "Well if you insist." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well here it is. It'll be a few more days before I leave so I'll stay here and help you get settled in." Said Reno Holding the door for Jessie as she entered. "I've been layed up so long the first thing I want to do is take a shower." "Uhm...Okay. I guess since what you had before you were admitted to the hospital isn't in that good a shape then you can borrow some of my clothes." Reno replied with a slight blush. "Thanks. You know you're so nice to me. Especially for a Shinra." Jessie said looking him in the eyes. "Wait a minute....." She siad with a look of realization on her face. "come to think of it this is the first time I've ever gotten a good close up look at you. You look very familliar. Like someone I knew befor I joined avalance. But you've grown too much for me to recognize you." "Come to think of it I remember you form somewhere too. Do you think we knew each other before this whole Avalanche thing got started?" Reno replied. "Mabey just and aquaintance. If I knew you any better I would have remembered." "Yeah probably nothing." Reno Directed Jessie to the shower and closed the door behind her. Jessie Felt a little strange living in the home of her one time enemy. and even a little guilty for it. As thought she had betrayed her friends. But Not as bad as she thought she should have felt. perhaps it's bcause she never really beleived all of Avalanche's ideals of saving the planet. All she cared about was revenge against shinra. So if she could find it in her heart to forgive even one of them then mabey it wasn't really wrong at all. She stepped in the shower, discarding her singed and torn clothing, and turned the water on. She sat down lettig the water run over her messy hair and down her face. She looked down at her body and sighed remembering what Reno said. "You dress like a boy" But but better, she thought, to dress like a boy than to become the stereotype of women dominant in midgar like Tifa. She always considered Tifa a friend but at the same time detested that she so easilly let herself fall victim to social pressures and the prevailing attitudes of the Shinra. Jessie Knew that Tifa wasn't the slut she looked like and it was wrong that she never deffended herself from the accusations that were made toward her. But no wonder Cloud liked Tifa better. At least he could tell that she was a girl at first glance. Jessie continued to think about her appearance. Why she chose to look this way. Was it really that she protested against the prevailing attitudes of society? Or was she just putting up a deffensive wall. So no one would treat her like a "Mere girl." Hoping to avoid the all to common catcalling that any other girl her age would recieve. Mabey it was just a wish to be treated as an equal rather than just the object of mens desires. Looking at herself again, with the dirt and grime washing away to reveal her smooth young skin she kept thinking. She rejected he femininity for one reason only. To make sure what happened to her would never happend again. "I was a defenseless kid then. Now I'm strong. I'm a fighter now and I can protect myself so why do I still do this. Am I really so afraid of men that I won't even let myself achnowledge any feelings I have. Am I really so afraid that it could happen again that I'd be willing to destroy any chance I have of ever falling in love. I always preffered that men be afraid of me. That way they wouldn't ever try to hurt me, much less be attracted to me. But I have my safety at what cost?" Reno knocked on the door and thrust his hand through holding a spare set of clothes. For a moment Fear shot up Jessies spine but she then relaxed when the door again closed. "I'm here at my most voulnerable and he was compleatly trustworthy. I was in panic for absolutely no reason. Mabey I was wrong all this time." Jessie thought to herself. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of part 1 Now if you're wondering what the hell that was it was based on Jessie from FF7. I always like the character and I was pissed that square never gave her any backstory even thought she had a much better personality than tifa. SO I decided to write her into this fanfic that fits in perfectly to FF7s plot line without being intrusive as to explore Jessie' character more deeply. Now for those of you who don't remember her. BITE ME! If you are one of the few who actually thought she WAS a guy. play the game again and this time PAY ATTENTION! there'll be a test on this later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ send all questions, comments and mailbombs to fragraham@mail.com