Dragon Ball Z What if?-Part One:  Goku's Story
by: I.M. Pikallo

This is a fictional story of a fictional plot line.  None of these events truly happened, nor is this in any way related to the plot, or any sub-plot, of the Japanese animetated series "Dragon Ball Z".  This is purley a piece of fiction made by a semi devoted fan.  Hope you enjoy

	Have you ever wondered how the charaters of the hit anime series "Dragon Ball Z" would have turned out if they had been raised in different environments, or had different personas all together.  Well, if you have put too much thought into, like me, GET A LIFE! YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE! I AM STUCK AT HOME DOING NOTHING ALL DAY! WHAT IS YOUR **** EXCUSE!!!?????  But, for those that have not spent much time on the subject, I offer this.  Dragon Ball Z : What if?  Where I, I. M. Pikallo, (don't ask, I don't even know what the I. M. stands for.)  have placed several characters in roles, more suiting, more likely, or just flat out strange.  I hope you find this, humorous, stupid, or just plain freaky, and if you want me to stop now, I will. I give you the first character; a Son Goku, sent to Earth to destroy it,but in a strange turn of events; he became a defender of it.  But, what if he was raised in the Southern U.S., more precise, South Mississippi.

	"Well pawpaw, I quess it's time for me to leave.  But don't try to stop me, 'cause you ain't. I gotta go to Chicago, I heard that a Mister Piccolo is offering a job to any good fighter who can meet his demands."  Said a young man who looked like all young men in his town, except for two big differences.  One, he had long spiky hair that stood up on end.  Two, he had a tail.  "Well, granson, I recon the time had to come before much longer. You have been the biggest help on this farm.  But, I knew you could move on to much greater things.  I just hope you don't get into to much trouble up in the big cities."  The elderly man walked over and shook his grandson's hand. "I ain't gonna get into anything I can't get out of.  Why you saw how I how beat the entire state's best fighters, at the same time.  I have some moves that are bound to impress Mister Piccolo.

	Now I know that you don't want me to jump in here, but, I do need to clarify on some things.  Goku is still named Goku, but his moves have changed drastically from the series.  I will now give a list of old moves and thier replacements.
1. kameha-meha      === thermo-nuclear dip spit
2. solar flare      === moon shine (he gets them so drunk on illegaly 				            distilled liqour they can't see strait)
3. saiya-jin ape    === saiya-jin cow
4. kai-o-ken attack === corn on cob attack
5. spirit bomb      === shot-gun shell
	I hope this helped, thank you.

	So as our hero and star boards his plane to Chicago, we zoom out to meet Mr. Piccolo, who is a mob boss in the Windy City.

	"Listen, I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse."  "Well what if I do," says the cocky young thug.  "As I said, you CAN'T refuse it.  It is easy, just tell me what you know about this," looking down at his paper, "Goku."  "Listen Mister P. I heard he is a good fighter, but not near as tough as you.  He should be a push-over, a nieve young redneck from the South.  He did, though, win this big fighting match, won the State champion ship, but that was it.  However, there is this strange, but unbelivable rumor."  "What rumor?"  "I haven't seen it, but, they say he has a tail!"  "Hmm, a tail huh, I don't see what is so strange about that." Piccolo says as he steps out of the shadows.  "I don't see a thing wrong with it.  Well, well, mister Goku, we'll see what kind of fighter you really are."

	Back on the plane, nearly to Chicago.  "Man, does this thing always fly so high!"  Said an extremely nervous Goku.  "Well, no it doesn't, usually flies higher, but today it is flying a tad bit lower than usual."  "WHAT!! HIGHER THAN THIS!!!!! I can't believe it, and we are moving fast, but, why the bad movie, that was horrible?"  "Get used to it, they always play the worst movie they can get their hands on," said the man beside Goku.  "Uh, I don't want to sound rude, Mister Roshi, but how old are you?"  "Me, I'm about 500 years old. He he.  Now don't give me that look young man.  I am a very important buiseness executive for Hugh Hephner.  Why, I live in THE mansion."  "Uh, I'm new here, what mansion?" Goku asked with an innocent, but real, voice.  "WHAT??? YOU HAVE NEVER," just then a "flight attendant" (don't you hate political correctness) looks meanly at him and shushes him. Quietly "you mean you have never heard of THE mansion." (okay, I can't put the name of the mansion, parents could read this and, ground for life.  But I think we all get the drift.)  "Well, no, I haven't, should I have.  Oops, looks like it is nearly time to land.  It's been nice talking to you."  "You to, Goku, but I should warn you, this Piccolo, he's a big shot.  A mobster.  If I were you I'd board the next plane back home, and just stay there," said a very serious Roshi.  "Well, I can't, I heard that after I left, there was an explosion.  You see, we keep this big tank of fuel, for the farm equipment, and pawpaw was fueling up something and decided to have a smoke.  Well, the match lit the fumes, killing him and destroying most of our equipment."  "Listen to me young man, I am old, and that means I have been around the block a few more times than you.  I can't prove it, but, I feel your new boss killed your grandfather to make sure you had to join with him," Roshi lowered his head, "Now listen, if I were you I would try to find out who did it.  If it was Piccolo, I would find out as much as you can about him, learn how he fights, how he thinks, and most importantly, how many girls does he keep around him." Goku just stares at him after the last tip, "Uh, Mister Roshi, the first two I understood, but, what is the point to the last one."  Roshi looks up, and laughs, "here's my number, call me and I will judge if he is a good man or not. Hahahaha.  I'm just kidding boy, lighten up! But, seriously, this Piccolo is bad news, and he is a very strong fighter.  But, I feel you can take him.  I am old, but I know a young warrior who can fight, and I see one in you."  With that Goku realized he had a new friend in the world, and even he knew; it doesn't hurt to have freinds.

	Once he lands; Goku heads straight for the building that Piccolo calls "The Office".  But, little does he know, Piccolo's goons are waiting for him in a dark alley; to test to see if he is worthy of even being in the same room as their boss.  "Man, this guy should be a sinche, he's not even officially trained by any notable person.  We may be the newest people trained by Mr.P; but we are still better than this hick will ever be.  Oops, there he is. GO!"  As the assailents move to attack the unsuspecting Goku, Goku turns and sees them comming.  "Uh, oh. They don't look too freindly." Dropping his bag he moves to an attacking postion, and screams, "THERMO-NULEAR DIP SPIT," puckering his lips; he spits out a dip filled lougie that creates a 20 foot crater around his opponents.  Shakily; "Man, that guy is stronger, and more disgusting, than any of us thought."

	Back in Piccolo's office.  "Well, well, well, this, Goku, is turning into a better fighter than I thought.  He managed to take down 2 of the men I personally trained. Now, I'll admit they were the weakest of my students, but, they were still 10 times stronger than the next guy down. He has proven himself; Ms. Chi-Chi; go and fetch Mr. Goku and bring him to the arena. Hehehe."  As Chi-Chi leaves, the room erupts into maniacal laughter.

	Goku, who has just defeated 3 more of Piccolo's goons, turns at the sound of a vehicle.  "Wow, a limo, and it looks like it is coming to get me." When the limo stops the driver gets out and opens the back door, and out steps the most gorgious woman Goku has ever seen. "Hello, Mr. Goku, I am Ms. Chi-Chi, Mr. Piccolo's personal assistant.  I was sent to get you; after what you did to Mr. Piccolo's 5 best fighters, he was most impressed.  Now please get in the car." After they are in the car Goku askes, "Those were sent by Piccolo?  I dind't know."  "Yes, he sent them to gauge how well you fight; if you couldn't get past them, you would have not even been allowed to talk to Mr. Piccolo on the phone.  But; since you passed with flying colors, he is willing to meet you in person."  "Wow!  But I really have no idea what sort of job he wants me to do, all the add said was he wanted the best fighter in the States."  Chi-Chi looks at him with shock.  "He wants to fight someone he feels he will get a challenge out of.  You honestly didn't know did you, I can see it in your eyes.  You don't see people that are purely honest these days."  She looks down, and sighs, "If I could I would like to marry someone who is like you, I have just met you and feel like I know who and what you are.  It is strange, but, I feel a purity in you like no one else.  But, Mr. Piccolo would never allow it.  He keeps such a tight reign on all his people, I wouldn't dought he would kill me."  With that Goku sees the tear run down her face and holds her hand, though is noticably uncomforatable touching a girl. His face turns classic anime red.

	Just then the limo arrives at Piccolo's place and Goku is taken into Mr. P's office. The first thing Goku notices is that he can't see Piccolo because Piccolo is in a dark corner.  "Hello, Mr. Goku, we finally meet.  I have heard, and seen so much about you. Now, I am going to give you an offer you can't refuse; all you have to do is fight me; this time tomorrow; and if you lose, I will have my men let you live, but; if you win, I'll give you what ever you want, for about 15 minutes, then my men will kill you."  "Oh, yeah, what if I don't take you up on your offer? Huh, Mister Big Man?" Piccolo, just laughs and says, "I will kill you now, instead of later." Goku looks up, "Okay, I'll fight you, but; when I win, you will allow Ms. Chi-Chi do whatever she wants; she hates it here, and you will tell me what happend to my pawpaw." "Your grandfather, I don't know, but I will have my men look into it.  I will tell you about him regardless if you win or lose."

	24 hours later, in an old abandoned wharehouse; Goku and Piccolo prepare for the big fight.  Goku throws punches, while Piccolo trains in a closed-in room.  An hour later, close to nightfall (FYI, there is a full moon out.) "I hope you have prepared Goku, because you will need all your power." A very cocky sounding Piccolo says. "I feel this shall be an interesting experience." Goku just looks at Piccolo, "I expect to meet your standard, and pass it up." "Okay let's begin."

	After five hours of constant punching, kicking, blocking, and dodgeing. The two combatants call a time out, neither has landed a single blow on the other.  "Goku, you are doing very well; better than anyone expected," Piccolo says out of breath.  "You have done good, too.  I have had a great time." "WHAT? You're enjoying this? Then don't let me stop you; DRILL BEAM CANNON. FIRE!!!!"  "Uh,oh, THERMO-NUCLEAR DIP-SPIT"  The two beams collide and cancel each other out; but blow the roof off. "Here Piccolo, try this," giving Piccolo a flask, "I call it MOON-SHINE."  Piccolo reels, unable to see, then sees a fist slam him in the face.  "OOOFFF!"

	Another hour of the battle rages on, I would tell you, but I have been typing for about 4 hours on this thing.  And my wrist hurt. Finally the climax.  DON'T CHEER, THIS FICK IS NOT THAT BAD!!!!

	Piccolo finally knocks Goku on his back and pins him.  "You have faught well, but, I feel I must end this."  Goku looks up at the moon for the first time; and transforms, into the SAIYA-JIN COW!  "What in the **** is that!!!  He's not HUMAN!"  Goku steps on Piccolo crushing him; and the only thing he says is "MMMOOOOOO."  "It must be the moon, nothing happened untill he looked at the moon."  Piccolo charges up a blast in his hand, and, to quote the announcer on DBZ, BLOWS UP THE MOON! Goku changes back into his human-like form.  "Man, what happened?"  In response Piccolo attacks with all his power. Goku is knocked back into, and through the far wall.  "I'll have to boost my power."  "Boost your power, not possible."  "Oh, yeah, CORN ON COB ATTACK!" Goku is then engulfed in a yellowish-green flame.  "His power, it is skyrocketing. But how, and, why can't I do it?"  Piccolo doesn't think too long on that though, because Goku is beating his face in.  Goku explains, "I hoped I wouldn't have to use that; never have in battle. I hoped to beat you on my own.  You made me use it."  Piccolo looks up and laughs weakly, "I didn't make you, but, I somehow knew you were more than you seemed.  That turning into the giant cow, that was impressive."  Puzzled, "Huh, what cow?"
"Never mind.  I believe I owe you that wish; Miss Chi-Chi, you are free to do whatever you want."  The only thing Chi-Chi can do it kiss Goku full on the lips, "let's go Goku."  Embarresed, "Okay, let's go."

	As the two walk out the door, Piccolo begins to power up the Special Beam Cannon, "If you think I will let you live Goku, you are very wrong.  Very wrong.  No one ever does that to Piccolo."  When Chi-Chi gets in the car, Piccolo grabs Goku and throws him across the block.  "YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BLOCK THIS ONE! BEAM CANNON FIRE!!!!"  "CORN ON COBB TIMES 3"  Goku jumps into the air; and then throws his hands up; "Shot Gun Shell, FLY."  The attack hits Piccolo in the chest and send him through 10 buildings. "It is over, it's finnally over."

	To find out if Piccolo survived the fight.  If Chi-Chi marries Goku. If Master Roshi get's some from the model in THE mansion.  Look for "Dragon Ball Z; What IF?-Part Two: Piccolo's Tale